Argument Sketch (Rewrite)

CHARLES enters the professional office of ARMAND.

A: Charles?

C: Well, I'm not the queen of England.

A: I'm Armand.  Why don't you have a seat?

C: And what if I don't want to?

A: Right then, stand, suit yourself.  What brings you here today?

C: I've told you once already.

A: Yes, I have your paperwork, I'd just like to hear it in your words.

C: And the paperwork wasn't my words?  What, do you think I was lying to you?

A: Charles, do you think you might have a problem?

C: A problem?  What, do you think you're a fucking therapist or something?

A: It just seems extremely odd to me that you've come to all this trouble to see me and you won't tell me why you're here.

C: You're saying I'm sick.  This is abuse.

A: No, actually, abuse is next door.

C: I don't have to take this sort of treatment.

A: No, you don't.  You're free to leave at any time.

C: What?  Is that it, then?  You want rid of me, I go to all this effort and you won't even fucking talk to me?

A: I'm talking to you now, Charles.

C: You just told me to leave.

A: I said you were free to leave.

C: See, to me, that implies that you want me to leave.

A: If I wanted you to leave you wouldn't be here.

C: So why did you fucking tell me to leave then?

A: Honestly?  Because I knew you wouldn't, Charles.

C: Oh, you're so fucking clever.

A: And you have a problem, Charles.  You're _paying_ me to argue with you?  Really?

C: I was hoping to get some sort of professional quality out of it.  Obviously that was foolish of me.

A: See, that's not why most people come to me.  Most people come to me because, Charles, they have problems.

C: Oh, here we go again with the "problems".

A: They don't know how to deal with other human beings except by fighting.  They twist other people's words around to suit their own exaggerated sense of grievance.  Eventually the people around them figure this out and learn to stop arguing with them.  And when that happens, they get desperate.

C: Nonsense!  Reasoned argumentation is the basis of all conflict resolution!  They're cowards.  Cowards who won't face me in a fair fight.

A: Conflict resolution?  And what do you end up resolving with your arguments?

C: Well, nothing, because they're too fucking stupid to listen.  Pig-headed oafs.

A: Nothing.  Nothing gets resolved, and your only recourse is more of the same.  You come to me - you pay me - because nobody else wants to talk to you, Charles.  You don't think you have a problem?

C: The hell with this.  I'm leaving.

A: Fine by me.  You know you will still owe me for our full session, correct?

C: I don't care, I'm not going to put up with any more of this bullshit.

A: Have a great day, Charles.

A: Fuck you, Armand.

CHARLES stomps out of the office and slams the door.  He opens the office next door, clearly labelled "Abuse", gets behind the desk, and sits down, leaving the door open.  After a few seconds, ARMAND walks into the office and sits down in the client's chair.