A Brief Exercise in Revisionism

CW: Child abuse

Were I to tell the story of the Fall of the Jedi, I do think I should tell it differently.  The story I would tell would be the story of a corrupt and hypocritical band of religious warriors, engaged in an endless war against two enemies nobody has seen, enemies who may or may not actually exist.  Every once in a while the Jedi claim to have killed the apprentice of the Sith Lord, and they claim it as a great victory over evil, but the Jedi Council warn the people to be careful, to be vigilant, for the Dark Side remains a threat.

I would tell a story of a supposedly celibate band of Jedi warriors who frequently break their vows.  I would tell a story wherein Jedi knights are frequently in intimate relationships with their padawans, padawans who came into their care at a very young age indeed.  I would speak of a Jedi order with a long history of this, a Jedi order that was founded on pederasty, long disavowed officially but still widely practiced.

I would speak of a Jedi order fragmented into many branches, branches who at the best of times have uneasy relationships with each other, and at the worst of time openly burst into war.  I would make Obi-Wan Kenobi and Yoda members of two such opposing branches, distrustful frenemies united only by their mutual unease with the dominant forces in the Jedi order.

I would make Kenobi and Yoda creatures of integrity, Kenobi a fierce young fundamentalist, Yoda an older "live and let live" sort of being.  Both of them know of the evils perpetuated in the name of the Force.  Both of them, for their own reasons, keep silent about these evils.

Kenobi has a padawan named Anakin Skywalker.  Unlike many Jedi-padawan relationships, Kenobi's relationship with Skywalker is not sexual.  Also unlike many relationships, Skywalker is older than Kenobi.  About sixty.  It is unusual for one this old to become a Jedi, but the reasons why Skywalker should come to the Force so late in life are never explained.

Skywalker, from the opening scene, wears the armor of Darth Vader most of the time, including face mask.  The Jedi are not popular and have to face a lot of hostile situations.  It's basically riot gear.  Also, he's a little sensitive about being such an old padawan, even though he's in pretty good shape.  Skywalker has many children by many different mothers, from slaves to queens.  This is another thing Kenobi turns a blind eye to.  At least Skywalker doesn't fuck children.  He couldn't tolerate having a padawan who fucked kids.

The Jedi don't officially have any relationship with the Galactic Senate, but every single member of the Senate follows the Jedi religion.  A lot of them are former Jedi knights.  Most of them are men.  Yoda's Jedi sect allows women to become Jedi knights, but most of the Jedi sects don't.

The Senate doesn't speak for the people it governs very well or effectively.  Most of them live in poverty, many of them in outright slavery.  There is race-based slavery.  A tremendous number of the Wookiee are slaves.  Slaves can't vote, people who don't own property can't vote.

The Sith "rule of two" is mischaracterized by the Jedi.  It is not, truly, a simple master-slave relationship, but more of a folie a deux.  The "rule of two" is, more than anything else, a rejection of the polygamy practiced by many of the Jedi.  The roles taken by a Sith couple are highly fluid and context-sensitive.  Skywalker, from the start a morally ambiguous and violent man, "turns to the dark side" when he falls in love with another Jedi (who may or may not be Palpatine, I haven't really fleshed that character out yet), a relationship which all sects of the Jedi reject as "forbidden love", which if you don't mind my saying so is a bit rich coming from them.  Skywalker and his partner, cast out and demonized, lead a popular revolt against the Jedi and the Republic.  The trilogy culminates in their victory, portrayed as an explicit homage to the last reel of Abel Gance's 1927 film "Napoleon".