The Phantom Menace: Wrapping Things Up

So a couple brief notes on the third act.  This is where everything goes to shit.  Pretty early on in it the Jedi kill Elana.  Right now I'm thinking an assassination where she's making a speech calling out the Jedi for the child sex abuse and the slaves.  The speech is being broadcast.  The Jedi take over the feed but the scenes of the ensuing Jedi slaughter of the people who were peacably assembled to watch the speech gets seen by everybody.

Before that there is a last meeting of the leaders of the revolution.  Sheev is frustrated because there are more people wanting to be stormtroopers than he can get armor for.  Vader's response is to only take the tall ones.  They're not there to fight, after all, so there's no problem making decisions based on superficial shit like that.

We do get back to Senator Long (remember him?).  He's not a major character in the film and hasn't been seen since the first act but he's making a propaganda speech that goes pretty sour.  Basically this goes down like Ceaucescu's last speech.  It's not stated or shown what happens to him, but it is, in fact, the same thing that happened to Ceaucescu.

The anti-Jedi/anti-Republic riots have an ugly side.  We see people spray-painting the Empire symbol (oh, the Empire needs a new symbol, the one that already exists is a bit crap; it's definitely a failing of the Star Wars universe that the Rebellion has a more recognizable symbol than the oppressors) everywhere, smashing windows, burning down Jedi temples.  Big parades of Stormtroopers marching down the streets.

Through all this Sheev is aging rapidly.  Fucking with the occult has given him the power to shoot lightning out of his fingertips, but it is taking a huge toll on his body.

The fighting escalates.  Jedi are being beset by mobs.  All their flashy skill with lightsabers doesn't actually help them when they're being cornered ... oh, you know what?  Why don't we put a tribute to Fritz Lang's "M" in there, the sequence where the mob goes after Peter Lorre's child murderer, as well?  That's got sort of the mood we're going for.  I know these are all old-ass films, but one of the things I'm going with is an appeal to tradition.  Lucas' films are deeply nostalgic movies; all I'm doing is changing the source material from shitty Flash Gordon serials to the more acclaimed cinema of the era.

The ending sequence plays out roughly in this order - Vader's lightsaber battle with Kenobi.  This doesn't actually conclude, what happens is Sheev butts in to get involved and starts shooting Force lightning everywhere.  He can't actually control the force lightning very well.  Since they're fighting in a forest (I've just arbitrarily decided), everything catches on fire and they all have to get the fuck out of there without resolving their fight.

Well it turns out that on the same planet Han Solo is fighting to liberate the Wookiee slaves (it's not actually Kashyyyk, there's a huge diaspora of Wookiee slaves).  This, I'm gonna say, is where he saves Chewbacca's life - we've had enough battles, I kind of want to show the wider effects of all the unrest, all the people who are suffering because of this conflict.  Honestly, he's not fighting at all, he's just hanging out in a highly populated urban area with all sorts of people in it.  Maybe he has to choose between saving a human and saving a Wookiee and he saves the Wookiee.  To appeal to the audience, who we can assume will be pretty racist and whose natural sympathies will be with the human, we'll make the human a racist bastard, so the audience will cheer when he dies.  Am I being too cynical here?

Anyway, having had the necessary big battle between Kenobi and Vader and having wrapped up Han Solo's arc, we can now move to the finale.  I do note that Yoda and Lando don't have anything left to do in the third act - we can throw in some brief shots of them while we're showing the broader effects of the rebellion - Yoda goes to Dagobah, Lando goes to Cloud City.  Cloud City is still under construction; there's a big sign outside that says something like "Coming Soon!  Cloud City Luxury Casino!"  Because fuck subtlety.  Oh, and we see Kenobi settling down on Tattooine as well.  Basically writing all of these characters out of the picture until they come back in the earlier films.

And then we culminate in Darth Vader and his stormtroopers' triumphant victory over the remaining Jedi, which, as I've said, plays out as a tribute to the last reel of "Napoleon".  Roll credits.

I think I'm actually done with this one for now.  Sure, I could come back to flesh things out, write things out in detail, but it's not like this is going to ever actually get made.  I feel like I've finished working this crap out of my system.  People start talking about some Star Wars bullshit to me in the future and I can bring up the plot outline I've worked out for a prequel film and eventually I think they will get the message: Do not talk to me about Star Wars.

Hopefully tomorrow I can leave this silliness behind me and we can get back to more typical fare for this blog.

PS - Oh, forgot one thing.  Since I'm leaving out the droids, I need to put in a merch character.  So Vader owns a cute alien cat.  There's a photo of him holding the cat hanging on the wall in his cruddy apartment.  It looks like he had it taken at Sears in 1982.  Also!  During the last third meeting, while shit is hitting the fan, Sheev shows off the weapons he's added to his biosphere (which, reminder, is the Death Star).  He calls it the "Strategic Defence Initiative".