SCENE: EXT. ANAKIN'S APT, LATE NIGHT
Anakin lives in an unglamorous high-rise apartment in a squalid, high-density urban area. Lots of Zeerust. Obi-Wan, who has his own very nice droid-piloted starship, accompanies Anakin, who is wearing his helmet, up to his door to drop him off. The light outside the apartment comes on automatically - motion detected. Despite the lateness of the hour, there is some rustling in the apartment. Obi-Wan reaches for his lightsaber, but Anakin makes a motion for him to halt.
ANAKIN: My cousin's kid is out of work and is staying with me for a little whie.
The door opens and RALPH (SHEEV) PALPATINE is standing in the doorway. Ralph is in his mid-20s, a hikikomori type. He is wearing a robe very similar to the robe he wore as emperor, hastily thrown on. He might possibly have been masturbating.
PALPATINE: Oh, hi Anakin! Sorry I'm in my bathrobe, I wasn't...
ANAKIN: You're ALWAYS in your bathrobe!
Anakin's attempt to be light-hearted falls flat; Palpatine is clearly hurt.
OBI-WAN: Ralph,
PALPATINE (evenly and reflexively; he's made this correction many times before): Sheev.
OBI-WAN ignores Palpatine and continues talking over him: it's good to see you. Have you given any more thought to joining the Jedi?
PALPATINE: I'm thinking about it. (He's told Obi-Wan "no" many times before and is tired of arguing about it.)
OBI-WAN: The force is strong with you, Ralph.
PALPATINE: Sheev.
OBI-WAN: We're always looking for good men like you.
Palpatine is about to completely lose his shit by this point. Anakin steps in to defuse the situation.
ANAKIN: Master, thank you so much for the lift. I gotta get some rest, busy day tomorrow.
OBI-WAN: Oh, OK. May the Force be with you!
ANAKIN: May the Force be with you, Master.
SCENE: INT. ANAKIN'S APT. Anakin has removed his helmet.
PALPATINE: Why does General Kenobi always have to call me that? I've told him how much I hate it.
ANAKIN: He means well, Sheev, he just forgets sometimes.
PALPATINE: If he gave a crap about anything but the Jedi Order he wouldn't forget.
ANAKIN: Sheev...
PALPATINE: I know, he just gets to me sometimes. Hey! Wanna see what I did while you were gone?
ANAKIN: Oh, in your video game?
PALPATINE: It's not a game, it's a world-building sim!
ANAKIN: Yes, sorry. Your "world-building sim".
INT. ANAKIN'S ROOM. This room is a shithole. Anakin, who is extremely fastidious, a little OCD even, makes a great effort to pretend not to notice, but is perhaps not entirely successful in this.
PALPATINE: Check this out Anakin, it's a whole artificial biosphere.
Palpatine pulls up what is clearly a schematic of the Death Star on his holographic screen.
ANAKIN: Very nice. How big is it?
PALPATINE: Oh, about the size of the Forest Moon of Endor. This would solve all our problems!
ANAKIN: Building an artificial moon.
PALPATINE: Yeah, we'd all have enough living room, no more of these cramped cities. And it's pollution-neutral! Look, here's where all the plants would be grown...
ANAKIN: And how many people would it take to build this?
PALPATINE: That's the best part! The number of people it would take to build this would completely solve the galaxy's unemployment problem!
ANAKIN: Ra- Sheev. I wish you would just go back to school.
PALPATINE (sulking): I've already _been_ to school, Anakin. I graduated flight navigator school. And I'm good at it, you know I am.
ANAKIN (patiently; they've had this conversation before): But there's no demand...
PALPATINE: I know that! Stupid droids. Anakin, it's not easy. My generation doesn't have the opportunities you had.
ANAKIN: I know, Sheev. I know.
SCENE: GARDENS OF CORUSCANT, EXT., DAY
OBI-WAN and YODA are walking together through the famous Gardens of Coruscant, overflowing with all sorts of exotic vegetation. They are not alone. All around them are the cream of Coruscant society wearing their best finery. All sorts of opportunities for both costume and scenery porn here to liven up what would otherwise be yet another fairly routine exposition/character development scene.
OBI-WAN: It is good to be with you again, old friend.
YODA: Good also it is to meet with you.
OBI-WAN: How are things with, what's her name, Elana?
YODA: Very wise for her years Elana is. Learning quickly she does.
OBI-WAN: A shame she fared so poorly against my Padawan. But then, that is the risk one takes when one allows women to become Jedi...
YODA: Saddened I am that you feel this way. Taught this way you were not.
OBI-WAN: True. You taught me to ignore much of the Old Ways, much of the true heart of the way of the Jedi. I am glad to have learned better.
YODA: And pass those ways on to your padawan, you do?
OBI-WAN: Anakin is a great challenge. I trust in the Force for my aid.
YODA: And the Force helps you look the other way when Anakin walks with the dark side, hmmm? Fucks everything that moves Anakin does.
OBI-WAN: No, Yoda. Only consenting adults.
YODA: If slaves consenting you consider.
OBI-WAN: You taught me to treat padawan with kindness and patience. I cannot be as patient with you are with your Senator.
YODA: Senator Miraman has done much for the Jedi.
OBI-WAN: And much _to_ the younglings. But we have discussed these things before. This is not why I wished to meet today.
YODA: Go on.
OBI-WAN: I have heard certain rumors of late. I hear it said, more and more, that it was your padawan who slew Darth Plagueis.
YODA: Know nothing of these rumors I do.
OBI-WAN: No, certainly not. You are far too upstanding to traffic in such things. I simply wish to note that my padawan Anakin has been recognized by the Jedi Council for bringing Darth Plagueis to justice. For it to be claimed otherwise, whether this is your work or the work of your Senator, raises some slight question of honor.
YODA: A duel you propose?
OBI-WAN: It would not, of course, be possible. We Orthodox Jedi do not recognize the right of women to the Jedi duel; your Reform Jedi reject the tradition of the duel entirely. Perhaps, though a little friendly lightsaber practice might help to smooth over any unwanted tensions?
YODA: So it shall be.
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